Memory
by Tuesdayschild84
Summary: Bella and Jacob are happily married but sometimes a glimpse of the past can pull you away.Edward's POV now up!
1. Memory

It had been ten years since I left _him _at the altar. Ten years since I chose to live then die rather die to live. I didn't let his face invade my memories anymore, although when I first left him days spanned into weeks with no other thoughts but him. Jacob was understanding, my warm wonderful perfect husband. He patiently waited for me to let go of the past so we could move forward together. A year after what would have been my first wedding Jacob and I married, followed by our daughter Ava the next year. Visions of her birth flashed through my mind, Jacob's expression when he watched her come into this world, the tears that ran down his face with her first cry. At that moment I knew I had made the right decision.

The plane rumbled underneath us again, causing my stomach to lurch, I grabbed it instinctively.

"You okay?" Jacob asked, lacing his fingers in mine.

"Yea. Pregnancy and flying don't mix." I replied.

He smiled, "Well no more flying then."

I laughed, "Or no more babies, four is enough."

His laugh filled the cabin and he replied a little too loudly "Naw, makin' them is too much fun."

I laughed at my crazy husband and then laid my head against the hard airplane seat. Ava stretched out in the three seats that were meant for her twin brothers, Charlie and Billy. However they were fast asleep on Jacob's lap, Billy's head against the window and Charlie's head resting on my knee.

"Mom." My daughter said, tapping me on the arm.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"I have to go to the bathroom."

I instantly pulled my seatbelt off, knowing full well that she hated going anywhere alone,"Okay come on."

We walked toward the front of the coach section of the plane and got in line, apparently the turbulence wasn't only upsetting me.

"Mom, I really gotta go." Ava moaned.

"I know sweetie, just a few more minutes.

I scanned the cabin to see if any of the other restrooms were open, but all of them had a line. Ava began to dance around, I knew what that meant.

"Excuse me." I asked the flight attendant as he passed by.

"Yes, can I help you?" He said with a fake smile.

"Are there any other restrooms, my daughter isn't going to last long."

"I'm afraid not." He said curtly.

"Please sir, I really need to go." Ava said, flashing her bright brown eyes. Those eyes could melt even the coldest of hearts.

He sighed, "Okay, follow me."

We passed by the few people in line, I prayed they understood that little girls just couldn't hold it in, and up through the practically empty first class. I held onto my daughters shoulders making sure not to bother the first class passengers. I kept my head down, maybe they wouldn't be upset that coach trash was coming to use their pristine facilities. The flight attendant led us to the front of the plane to a bathroom twice the size of the ones in coach.

"There you go." He said, and rushed off to the back of the plane.

Ava didn't wait, she threw the door open and ran inside. I leaned my back against the wall and looked out toward the passengers, where seven very familiar faces were staring back at me.

My heart began to leap from my chest, I felt my throat tightening. The Cullen's, Carlisle Esme Rosalie Emmett Alice Jasper and _him._ None of whom spoke, they were obviously as shocked as I was. I quickly caught eyes with Alice, whose face quickly turned from shock to a huge smile.

"Bella?" Her beautiful bell like voice unchanged over the years.

I nodded, "Alice."

She stood and rushed over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist, "Oh my God! I can't believe it's you."

My eyes were still wide, "I can't believe it either."

Alice let me go but Esme quickly took her place, "You look so beautiful." She said tucking my straggly hair behind my ear. "And congratulations." She said placing her hand on my stomach.

I smiled, "Thank you."

Ava opened the door and stopped in the tracks at the sight of Esme holding my stomach.

"Mommy?" she asked.

"It's okay darling. I'm Esme, what's your name?" Esme asked crouching down to Ava's height.

Ava, who was never shy, smiled widely and quickly answered, "Ava Renee Black."

Alice, who was the same height as my daughter, came from behind Esme, "I'm Alice. It's nice to meet you Ava." Sticking out her small hand.

Before I knew it Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle were lining up to get hugs and meet Ava. Rosalie nodded from her seat before sticking her IPod buds back in her ears. He on the other hand didn't move, only stared out the window. Time hadn't changed him, even his bronze hair was styled the same unruly way. But he looked different somehow, careworn, troubled.

"Ava, why don't you sit here next to me and tell me about school." Carlisle said, patting the seat next to his. Everyone gather around her (expect Rosalie) as she told of school on the reservation. Alice shook her head toward_ him_, telling me to go talk. I took in a deep breath and walked toward him.

"Hi." I said in a shaky voice.

He didn't move his eyes from the window, "Hello Bella."

"May I?" I asked.

He nodded. I sat next to him on the leather chair and instantly felt electricity fill the space between us.

"How have you been?" I asked awkwardly.

"Well. And you?"

"I'm good."

"Happy?" He asked.

I heard Ava laugh with the Cullen's and my heart melted, "Very."

He nodded slightly, "That's good."

I shifted my body towards his, my knee brushing slightly against his pants. "Are you even going to look at me?" I whispered.

He didn't answer, instead turned his head slightly toward mine and locked eyes with me. His features, although saddened, were unchanged. His eyes on the other hand were no longer the golden shade I remembered but a deep, violent red. I couldn't look away, they bore into me causing shivers to run down my spine.

"Your eyes." I said softly.

He looked away quickly and toward Ava, "She's beautiful. Looks just like you."

My mind was still wrapped around his eyes, but I replied idly, "She looks just like Jacob."

He flinched at the name, clearly I shouldn't mention my husband. "She does have some of _his_ traits, but she has your eyes, and stubbornness. And she loves being the center of attention, but often feels pushed aside for her brothers."

My jaw dropped then I remembered, "Well I guess you can read her mind."

"Clear as a bell."

Just then the curtain cutting off first class from the rest of the cabin opened swiftly, "Bella, what hap…" Jacob didn't finish the sentence as he caught glimpse of the 5 vampires surrounding his daughter and the one vampire he never wanted to see again in his life sitting next to his pregnant wife.

His face soured and he walked quickly toward me, "Bella. I was worried."

"She was just leaving." The red-eyed vampire next to me said, turning his head back to the window.

"Mommy, daddy!" The twins yelled from behind the curtain. The same flight attendant who showed us the bathroom brought the boys up front with a sour look on his face.

"I believe you left these." He said rudely.

"Thanks." Jacob said, taking each boy by the hand, but not dropping his gaze from the Cullen's.

"I think you better get back to your seats." The flight attendant said before leaving again. I stood, picked up Billy and smiled. "He's right, we've imposed enough." I said.

Jacob turned away and looked at me, "Yeah, Ava come on."

"Aw dad, we were…"

"Now Ava Renee." He said shortly, in our 9 years of marriage Jacob had never lost his temper, but I had a feeling this might send him over the edge.

Ava walked quietly past her father, arms folded, and left for our seats.

"It was so good to see you Bella." Alice said sweetly, touching Billy softly on the face.

"Yeah, it was great." I replied, although it wasn't completely honest.

Jacob placed his hand on my shoulder telling me it was time to leave, but sometime inside was pulling me away from him. I looked into the faces of the Cullen family, the family I was supposed to join all those years ago, and couldn't help but feel old. Where had time gone? It had flown by quicker than I could have imagined and then a thought hit me. I am going to die one day, not a matter of if but when, and they will still be alive. Still as young, still as beautiful. I will be gone and then someday my daughter and sons and this precious unborn life inside me will die too, but the Cullen's will still be alive.

I said my goodbyes and left their cabin, back aching from the now sleeping child attached to my hip. Sitting down in my seat I refused to let my mind remember what had just happened, and thankfully Jacob didn't ask. He was good at not asking things he knew I wouldn't answer, just as he had never asked if I regretted my decision all those years ago, maybe he was afraid of the answer. But he did ask how I was and smiled when I lied that I was okay.

We left the plane without another sign from the Cullen's. Ava was still mad at her dad and refused to hold either of our hands and the boys were both asleep before we landed in Seattle. We made our way to the long term parking, loaded the kids in our beat up van and left in silence. The drive was a long one, but not one word was spoken, a comfortable familiar silence filled the air. Later that night after we got home and put the boys to bed Jacob kissed me gently on the forehead, rubbed my belly, and went in for a shower. I lay on our bed with a book open, humming to my kicking baby.

"Momma?" a soft voice said from out doorway.

"Yes my love?"

"I love you." Ava said, jumping next to me in the bed. I wrapped the warm blankets around her and pulled her close.

"I love you too."

"I found something on the plane." She said quietly.

I ran my fingers through her knotted black hair, "What did you find?"

She held out her tiny fisted hand and dropped the contents in mine. "It was on the seat you were setting in when we met those people."

I looked down at palm and instantly tears begun to fill my eyes. There sat the opal ring once given to me.

"Can I keep it mommy?"

"No honey. It doesn't belong to you. I'll have to send it back to the airline." I managed to choke out.

Her face dropped and she left the room, arm crossed again. I stared at the ring, marveling in the opals colors and for one fleeting moment I thought of putting it on. But I didn't, instead I reached under our bed for an old shoebox full of mementos, ticket stubs from movies with Jake, ultrasound photos, a picture of our dad's at our wedding and on the very bottom, under a handkerchief given to me by my grandmother was a dusty CD I hadn't listened to in ages. I placed the ring on top of the CD and covered it with the other keepsakes and slid it safely back under my bed.

That night I dreamt of_ him_, first time in almost a decade. He smiled at me, his eyes back to the golden shade of brown I once loved so much, then he waved, turned his back and left. Taking a piece of my heart with him.


	2. Forgotten

**A/N**~ Okay guys I wrote this because I had so many wonderful messages and comments asking for more. I wasn't planning on adding to this story but kinda got the notion of filling in Edward's part so that's what this is. Memory from Edward's POV. I was thinking of writing more, I kinda have a plan for it if I do but it depends on what you guys think! lol. So let me know!

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I sat against a fallen hallowed tree and wiped the blood from my lips. How I loved the silky texture of a women's blood as it drained from her body. I cleared my mind from the last feeble thoughts that crossed her mind as she lay dying, "_I always loved him, give him peace." _Lies, women always lied. I sprinted away from the now cold body and ran towards the airport to make due on a promise to my sometime family. Why had I promised to accompany them to Washington? That was truly the last place I wanted to be. I enjoyed it here, the middle of the woods in some forgotten rundown town, the kind of place where when people go missing it doesn't make the papers, just makes everyone lock their doors.

I sprinted faster toward JFK Airport, I didn't need a watch to know I was late. Rosalie would be livid if I made her wait, leaving the family was almost worth it to not have to deal with her for eternity. I gathered my composure as I hailed a cab at the edge of the forest, clearly running would be faster but that would look suspicious running into the airport, besides sitting down I could think.

"Where to?" The cabbie asked shortly.

"JFK." I retorted, just as curt.

Obviously this wasn't going to be a lively conversation. I laid my head back against the tired cushion, closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. It didn't relieve any of the pain but was a faded habit forced to appear when I felt uneasy. Visions of _her_ suddenly flashed through my mind without warning, damn I tried so hard to avoid that. _Her _framed in the doorway of my family's old home, silk draped across her fair skin, a countered look upon her face. I let myself slip into the memory…

"Edward." She said without her usual smile.

"My love." I ran my hand over her smooth cheek.

Her face went cold instantly, but not from my touch. She had a secret.

"What's wrong?" I asked, not wanted to know the truth.

She shook her head, afraid to answer.

"Tell me." I tried to remain calm, but knew that my worst fear was about to be realized.

Tears began to stream down her face and I instantly knew the words that were about to escape her lips. I wanted to calm her as I always had or relieve her pain but knew that was no longer my place.

"I see. How long?" I asked.

She shrugged, "Forever I guess."

The words stung, how could she choose that dog, that beast? I wasn't worthy of her, but he was no better.

She continued, "I want kids, I need a family. And Charlie and Renee, I couldn't hurt them. I can't."

I just stood there, why didn't I grab her and run? Or better just sink my teeth into her porcelain skin and change her before she had the choice? She would have forgiven me in time. Why did I choose that moment to give up?

She didn't give me the choice, she took my hand and dropped something metal into it, ran from the house quicker than I thought humanly possible and jumped into his car. Taking every part of my heart with her.

I looked down at my hand and ran my finger over the shiny opal ring that I'd once given her with love and hope. My life was over, I ran from the house not looking back. Never looking back.

"Hey? You alive back there?" The cabbie shouted.

I laughed inside, not quite. I threw the money into the front, not bothering to ask the price. Like money mattered in life. I had given up caring about such things, appearances, possessions, money. Frivolous things that were intended for humans, and I was no human. I jumped from the cab, ignoring the obstinacies pouring from the cabbies mouth and made my way to the ticket counter. I hated talking to humans, well anyone really, so I opted for self check in and made my way toward my gate. There they stood, shiny and new as if just removed from the vacuum of timelessness. My family.

I sighed and thought of running.

"You're late!" Rose yelled.

"Nice to see you again, how long has it been?" I said with a faux smile.

She knew my distain ran deep, "10 years wasn't long enough." She flipped her hair in my face and headed for the ticket counter.

"Cutting it close?" Carlisle asked, his persona was different now, changed. The years had worn on him.

"Sorry. Busy." I said trying desperately to ignore their thoughts.

Emmett waved from his wife's side, Alice gave me a quick peck on the cheek followed by a nod from Jasper. Esme patted me on the back as we walked to the flight attendant taking our tickets.

"Good to see you, son." She said softly.

The word stung, son. I was no son. I was nothing more than I killer now.

"You're lucky you made it, I was about to shut the door." The flight attendant said with a glare, if this hadn't been a public place her annoyance would have been the last thing she ever did.

I handed her my ticket as she fumbled for the stack she had already taken, suddenly a familiar scent filled the air. Like a distant memory, long since forgotten.

"Here sir." She said rudely as she handed me my ticket stub, I creased my brow and pushed the smell from my mind.

"Coming?" Esme asked from the walkway leading to the plane. I wanted to run, something in the pit of my stomach told me to leave and never look back but I ignore it.

Everyone took their seats in the empty first class, it was obvious Carlisle bought every seat to try and appease my appetite. Foolish man, nothing soothed it now, my family, the vegetarians, knew nothing of my lust now. Knew nothing of the taste, they knew nothing. I took a seat alone and tried to drift into a state of unconsciousness when that aroma drifted again. It was divine, heavenly. Perfection.

The plane rumbled underneath us as it took off. I allowed myself to bathe my senses in the perfume that encompassed me and before I knew it hours had passed without my knowledge. Carlisle was too well tuned into my mind to let me enjoy it for too long.

"Edward?" He asked, taking the seat next to me.

I tilted my head toward him, peering into his honey colored eyes. My ruby eyes glared back at him sending a shutter down his body.

"_How have you been?" _He thought, clearly he wanted this conversation to be private.

"Fine." I said softly, playing along.

"_Are you ready to come back home?"_

I rolled my eyes and unwilling let a laugh slip out.

"_Don't mock me Edward. We miss you, all of us."_

He seemed sincere, but that was no longer home.

"You said there was a problem coming and you needed all the help you could get. I owe you that much, that's all I can give."

"_Edward please, just talk to me. Tell me your pain and I swear I can help you through this. Everything you've done, all the people you've killed we can move past it."_

"I don't kill people." I said firmly, it wasn't a lie.

"_I don't understand, your eyes….."_

"I kill her, over and over again. Brown hair, bambi eyes. Weak ones, liars. They all deserve it." I didn't bother masking my voice.

"_It's not healthy, I'd rather you dead than….."_

"Then kill me, please I beg you. Rip me apart and let me die!" I shouted causing everyone to turn toward me.

"_Keep your voice down_." He urged.

"I don't want to. I want peace, I don't want to kill but every time I see one of them, one of her, they don't stand a chance. They have to pay. I'm not your Edward anymore." I turned from him and pushed his thoughts from my mind.

He didn't linger knowing he was fighting a lost cause. I rested my head against the glass and closed my eyes, praying for sleep. Then that smell once more came rushing toward me and this time I wasn't alone. Alice smelt it too, so did Jasper. They didn't say it aloud but their thoughts were clear as a bell. Something familiar yet distant. It seemed to be growing stronger now, no longer a memory but a thick musk filling the cabin. I didn't open my eyes instead I heard a little girl call out from the back of the plane.

"_Please sir, I really need to go."_

The smell was racing toward us now, like an unstoppable train headed for a stalled car. The curtain opened and I was instantly taken aback. 10 years of my life came to a thundering crash as_ she_ passed by my seat.

She turned her swollen body toward us, her heartbeat thundering loudly in the air, accompanied by the tiny heart of the unborn child she carried. Her eyes went wide as we all stared at her, everyone's thoughts raced toward excitement, expect Rose's. Mine quickly turned to hatred. I wanted to lunge from my seat and rip out her pounding heart throwing it to the ground as she had done to me so long ago.

I should have guessed Alice would be first to embrace her, followed quickly by an eager Esme. Then the little girl who rushed to the restroom emerged, her mind racing at the sight of a strange woman touching her mother's stomach.

"_What's going on here?"_ She thought cheekily.

"Mommy?" she asked, clearly she didn't mute her thoughts, I appreciated that.

Mommy, hearing the word being called to the women I once loved ripped across my frozen chest. I quickly turned from the scene and fell into my thoughts. What had I become over the past decade? A monster? A killer? Someone she would have hated. Someone I hated.

"Hi." She said softly toward me.

I could answer her, talking to her would dull the ache just a little. Just say it, say her name and make this real.

"Hello Bella." I managed to get out without too much agony.

She asked if she could sit next to me and instantly I wanted to run. Tell her no, don't come too close to this beast but couldn't. I could only nod. As soon as she filled the seat next to me my body went wild, like the first day I met her all that time ago. Her scent surrounded me but for the first time I didn't long to kill, instead I felt the urge to protect, nurture.

"How have you been?" She asked sheepishly.

'_Horrible murdering monster and it's all your fault'_, I thought at first but couldn't bring myself to upset her. "Well. And you?" I lied.

"I'm good." She didn't seem to lie, odd. I was so use to lies now that the truth rang strange in my ears.

"Happy?" It sounded more shocked than an actual question.

Then I heard it, the reason for such happiness. Her child, Ava, laughed loudly at Emmett causing her heart to skip a beat.

"Very."

If I could cry I surly would have, her child, that sweet innocent cherub deserved nothing but happiness and joy in this life and here I hated the women that gave her life. I actually longing to kill her with a plane full of witnesses, I kept my eyes locked on the window pane, "That's good."

What had I become?

Without warning she shifted her aging body clumsily knocking her knees against mine. The contact sent waves of pleasure though my body, it was unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I longed to turn toward her, lay my lips on hers once more. Inhale that sweet scent that once sent me over the edge. Why had I never made love with her? How could I have been so foolish not to embrace every ounce of her?

"Are you even going to look at me?" she asked quietly, as if she knew my secret.

I didn't want to show her what I'd become. I didn't want her to know that the man she once loved was completely gone, a beast among the living. A shell among the dead. I had no choice, she pleaded with such compassion that maybe she would understand, she was after all understanding. She took me when I didn't deserve her without question. I closed my eyes and turned my body toward hers, opening them slightly to take in her beauty.

She began to shake but didn't run like others so often tried. Classic _her_, fearing nothing.

"Your eyes?" She sounded shocked but not repulsed.

I couldn't answer her, what was I supposed to say now? 'Y_ou ripped out my heart and this was the only way I could keep myself from hunting down everyone you ever loved and killing them?' _Suddenly a tiny thought emerged from a precious voice.

'_These people are weird, but I kinda like them.' _Little Ava thought as she pretended to arm wrestle Alice.

Just like her mom, embrace the vampires rather then run.

"She's beautiful. Looks just like you." I said nodding toward her daughter.

"She looks just like Jacob."

A steel beam smacked me in the chest at his name. Him, Jacob Black, he's the one who stole my soul. He's the one whose name I cursed every time I killed. I began to lose control, I tried to push that out of my mind and focus on the child. She was sweet and kind but pigheaded just like her mother. Then two young boys faces crossed her mind, brothers, she had brothers. How many children were they planning on having? I wanted to think it was reckless to have so many children but knew deep down if I could have been the father of her children we would have never stopped.

"She does have some of _his_ traits, but she has your eyes, and stubbornness. And she loves being the center of attention, but often feels pushed aside for her brothers."

"Well I guess you can read her mind." She joked, trying to lighten the mood.

I smiled quickly, "Clear as a bell."

Suddenly everything changed with a curtain opening. Jacob rushed in causing my nose to burn from the stench, how did she live with that? I quickly turned from her and closed my eyes. I needed to concentrate on anything else. Anything at all. I had to ignore the pure undiluted hatred that was filling my veins.

'_Find your peace.'_ Carlisle thought.

'_God he smells._' Rose thought, a smile broke across my face at the acknowledgement. Maybe Rose wasn't so bad after all.

More children came rushing in and I had to cut off my breathing, the boys smelled just like their father. I could feel_ her_ look at me as they were about to leave but couldn't let myself look at her any more. I wanted to remember her on the happiest day of my life. I let the memory of our meadow fill my mind, the wildflowers that stuck in her thick brown hair as she stared over my exposed skin. No judgment, no reservations, just love. That's how I needed to remember her. A thousand years from now when she was long gone I would at least have that memory.

The flight came to an end and my family exited the plane first, I got in line after them but something tugged at me. Something inside me I thought was long gone. Hope. Hope for a future with the ones I loved. Of course nothing would ever be the same and happiness was out of reach, but the glimmer of being with a family who embraced me suddenly seemed peaceful. I had hurt them so much but knowing them I would be welcomed home with fanfare I didn't deserve.

I pulled on the chain that I had wore around my neck for the past 10 years and unlatched the clasp allowing the tiny opal ring that once held so much hope fall off. I placed it softly on the edge of the seat just moments early my once love had sat in and said goodbye once and for all.


End file.
